Corrupt Revolutionaries and Parties

Did you notice the municipal by-election? It is now over, and my fifty bucks says that the IFP candidate’s promise of free KFC rounders to all who voted for him handed it him on a platter. The ANC might have fought a slightly less dishonest contest, but I suspect that a people of whom a decent proportion put their beds on bricks and stick banknotes on brides’ headdresses would always swing the other way.

This fills me with gloom. The ANC may not be the most inspirational of challengers, and its enduring legacy may be as the party who inherited a country and spent most of the loot on Mercedes Benzes, but the IFP quite simply causes the toes to curl.

It’s difficult to think too long and hard about the situation without steam hissing from my ears. The IFP has had the upper hand at Okhahlamba for a number of years and all they’ve managed to do is lurch from one crisis to another, to line several high-ranking officials’ pockets (and their families’), and to get through more managers than Jacob Zuma has wives.

The DA is hardly a more palatable choice, either. Outside the Champagne Castle Hotel, tied with bloudraad to a tree, a DA poster hung untouched since the 1999 general election. It recently fell off, a victim of the elements, tired of proclaiming that ‘the DA delivers’ under a picture of a smiling Tony Leon. We all know the truth: the DA is adept only at making enough of a nuisance of itself until its leaders get cushy jobs in far-flung paradises.

We shall have more of the same in next year’s municipal elections: more hollow promises, more T-shirts, and more greasy food.

Enough is enough, I say. In true Obama-esque lingo, let me say, ‘It’s time for change!’ Those of you looking for something completely different, for free braaivleis on Heritage Day, and for a mayor who rides in a bakkie (bodyguards on the back), you would look far and wide to find a better candidate than me.

My new offering, the Counter-Revolutionary Action Party, will soon be knocking on your door, canvassing your vote, and making wild pledges that will make you drool in anticipation.

When you see my posters, remember all I’ve said. Forget the ANC (African Naked Corruption), the IFP (In For Profit), and the DA (Dull Annoyance), and vote CRAP!